One of my good friends had a baby yesterday. She had a rough pregnancy and ended up being induced at 37 weeks to get that baby outta there and into the real world where she could start gaining some weight. My friend spent hours and hours each week at the hospital getting ultrasounds and non-stress tests done on her baby girl. She continued to work two jobs while her husband is in school. Now she'll be in the hospital for at least a week, most likely, and then she'll be going home with a preemie baby and a husband who still has two months left in the semester.
And I'm stuck over here just having to sit by and let it all happen. I can't make her dinner. I couldn't offer to come over and wash dishes and give her a pedicure when her feet hurt. I can't come wash laundry, bring her groceries, or hold a screaming baby so she can take a shower. I couldn't let her borrow my maternity clothes (not that she'd have wanted them anyways since mine are boring and she's got style). I can't lend a listening ear or a helping hand. I can't. do. anything.
And it's killing me. My heart aches. I didn't realize it until today when I called her at the hospital via skype to say "Congratulations" and burst into tears upon hearing her voice, knowing that it was almost like I was right there. Except I wasn't. I was so, so far away.
I don't have a plethora of friends, at least not good friends. I can count my good friends on my fingers, and probably on the fingers of just one hand. Most of these women I know from my three years in Poland, when we we all single and free-spirited and would spend holidays together, vacation together, and spend hours cooking, watching movies, and digging deep into each others' hearts. I was blessed to attend graduate school in the same city with two of these friends, and our friendships went even deeper. And now all of my good friends (not to mention my only sister) have either had babies while I've been in Turkey, or they will in the very near future. And I'm stuck longingly looking at photos on facebook, anxiously awaiting secondhand information about the babies' stats and the birth stories, and just in general unable to do anything to help.
I want to help my friend. I want to be a blessing to her, to relieve some of the burden of a rough pregnancy and a preemie who will need extra attention. I want to show that I care and that I love her. But I can't.
And it stinks.